IX

post-its and pocket notebooks

cloud watching-
plot-less melting
cartoons -sea
horse with a fluffy
heart -disembodied head
eating or vomiting -a map
of England -is that a
star or
another plane?
there're a lot
of old men in
the clouds

the cyclops threw
the whale -but
will he catch it?

----
Goodbye Tom Ucko. Ric Roi. Django -The Man I Love

"We like long relationships- especially with oil companies" -Boss about Chevron contract

how I hate your body
sitting down
so stand for me stand
lie down for me
lie there soft & shrunken
I see you as the child
from decades ago
video tapes & photo albums
stand down & hold your head
at that sweet angle
maybe we can make a deal

"The enemy is anybody who's going to get you killed, no matter which side he's on" -Catch-22 Joseph Heller p. 127

I blame Ellis Island for names like French, German, Ireland/Irish

"With that kind of experience, you could get a job at Kinko's!"

WILEY -Now You Know
-all our great brands
For Dummies
Betty Crocker
Pillsbury
Webster's New World
Pfeiffer
Cliff Notes

Tokyo Police Club -Cut Cut Paste
Sparks -Girl from Germany
Righteous Bros -Just Once In My Life
Replacements- We're Coming Out- Sixteen Blue

mouth tastes like
blood & chocolate
backspace/delete
align the lines
condense the file
coffee soaks in

red upside
we good
trippy/sexy
still wet

he's gone away-ayy
he's gona ah-weigh-eay
stuck in my head
& what does it mean to me
I've gone away-eayy
where the mass of
Y chromosomes
I keep in close circle
I fail in close contact
(he starts conversations
I strain conversation
after nearly 5 years)

how you keep so skinny
gurrhl -am I?
the relative world
plague of obesity
& bulem-anorex-IA
But I look a little
androgenous -no?
cut off my hips
& I go running
with the pack

5/24/08
wrecked a girl
who wrecked this man?
what can science do to
reverse a bungled first
love -we fuck each other
up -as if some kind of
revenge -& what seems
a gift you never received
yourself -may be what
makes the next one grumble
your name in retrospect
who started this mess?
what can be done?

life the universe & everything
(I can quote too)
must be more than a number
a shrink to make
the problems smaller
death to make me
stronger
tough it out, little lion
your roar don't shake mountains
not just yet

sure scattered
what college's for
when will we settle down
raise us a garden
of pretty painted pictures
love & lost so young
they grow up so fast
can't wipe his runny nose
forever
of all the madmen
I've had unmentioned dreams of
somehow this adds up
to a blurry web
graphs tempt me
but crushes of a dozen years
aren't as linear
as the points express

5/21/08
an age of homage
walking for my health
there are no stars
& songs just brush the surface
where do you sleep at night?
campus that's beautiful
half the time
got an ugly dry side
in these transition days
oh the places we've been
(I'll forget again tomorrow)

2/29/08 Leap Day
work 7pm -1am
-Renee inventory -eat brownie dough
-starts snowing again
-cig. break w/ Jes "Did you wish for this?"
-learn to clean grill
-"who picked this song?"
my ipod on shuffle
"I love danzig & the Misfits"
-off shift: finish weird
Doppleganger movie

7-5-08
well over a year since
1st (last) orgasm
is this misremembered?
& she chimes
find a Mr. O.K. -Mr.
great -a Mr. Right
eventually -he will appear
apparate into this life
& no apologies or snaps
will make her silent
or patience any less
frustrating
exercise is the answer
& the bike flies by
the field of
last (1st) orgasm
& the world shrinks

8/21/08
dry leaves of
California summer
broken rotting fruit
small sidewalks
step around
dog shit
fruit flies
duck or walk through
dipping tree branches
vines overflowing
from pretty picket
fences chain-link
peeling fresh white paint
bland architecture
the air smells of
manure and rosemary today

I'm a zombie-zombie-zombie-zombie-Zom-bie (3x)
but please don't kill me
cuz I won't eat chu

8/20/08
what manner of
reality is this
where questions must
always be answered
(a philosopher needs not
these replies)

in heaven
in reality suspension
what do your friends
your family
your long lost loves
see in you?
are only the dead up there?